The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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