He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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