I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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