Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
