On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
