party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
