Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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