ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
