You kept calling me your small dog last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
