so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
