does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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