We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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