So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
