I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
