there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
