Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
