My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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