Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am available for nakedness
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
