I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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