You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
