if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
