does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
