He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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