Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
