His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
