i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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