just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
