and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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