mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
