i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
