plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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