My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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