so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
