I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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