So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
