I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
FUCK WHALES
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