you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
