Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
