carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
