weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
