Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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