so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
