Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
