what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
