he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
