I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
