I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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