he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
