Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
