Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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