i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
