How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
