i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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