Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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