I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
