I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
