I just cut my nipple shaving
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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